Encouraging children to share and resolve disputes is one of the most challenging aspects for families, particularly when sibling rivalry intensifies. According to Dr. Amanda Morris, an adolescent development psychologist at OSU-Tulsa, this issue is widespread but also presents a valuable learning opportunity for both parents and kids. She emphasizes that such situations allow parents to teach their children about resolving conflicts and understanding the impact of their actions on others. Her advice includes involving children actively in finding solutions, knowing when to intervene, and maintaining a calm demeanor throughout the process.
Dr. Morris highlights the importance of turning sibling disagreements into educational moments. Instead of imposing resolutions, she suggests asking reflective questions like "How do you think your sibling feels?" or "How can we solve this together?" Encouraging children to devise their own solutions fosters independence and critical thinking. For example, if the conflict revolves around sharing, she recommends letting the children decide how to alternate turns rather than dictating the solution.
Balancing autonomy with guidance requires parents to recognize when intervention is necessary. When the behavior becomes harmful or unkind, parental involvement becomes crucial. In these instances, Dr. Morris advises framing the resolution as a collaborative effort. If no agreement is reached, temporarily removing the source of contention—such as turning off the TV—can serve as an effective teaching tool.
Maintaining composure and kindness during disputes sets a positive example for children. Parents should encourage empathy by posing reflective questions that prompt children to consider their siblings' perspectives. For instance, questioning why destroying a Lego tower might upset someone helps develop emotional intelligence.
In cases where one sibling consistently initiates conflicts, Dr. Morris advises investigating underlying motives, such as seeking attention. By giving each child equal opportunity to express themselves and collaborate on solutions, parents can foster mutual respect and cooperation.
To further support parents, Dr. Morris recommends resources like Myrna Shure's book Raising a Thinking Child and the associated program I Can Problem Solve. These tools equip parents with strategies to teach conflict resolution effectively.
By adopting these approaches, parents transform everyday challenges into opportunities for growth, nurturing essential life skills in their children while fostering healthier sibling relationships.